


but you were right, i was asking for it (i always am)

by subtlyhaught



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/F, Oops, P angsty, also i don't like the ending so shh don't mind it, and uh this was written on a whim and it's a bit of a mess, i can't write fluff that stuffs hard man, its 3am again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 06:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12647883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtlyhaught/pseuds/subtlyhaught
Summary: She got home late.





	but you were right, i was asking for it (i always am)

She got home late.

She supposed she forgot to tell Noah where she was, because the second she walked into the apartment, their apartment, he was asking questions.

Their apartment. The thought almost made her want to throw up now.

Tessa hadn't moved for what felt like hours after Mariah had left. She just sat there, letting the tears roll freely down her cheeks as she stared at the door the redhead had left out of. Maybe the reaction was appropriate. But Tessa had never felt heartbreak like that before, so really she had no way to judge. She just didn't expect to feel so.. empty.

It was strange, really. Tessa went months without slipping up. Months ignoring every twinge of her heart. Months overlooking Mariahs verbal missteps. And she really did try her best to follow that pattern tonight, but she broke. God she broke.

Maybe she always wanted to. Every time she saw Mariahs anguished face over Noah's shoulder, she wanted to. Every time she wrote another lyric about the girl, she wanted to.

But she didn't. Because it was for the best, Tessa told herself. It was for Mariahs sake. They were better off as friends.

But they were never friends.

And Mariah knew that. She had made that crystal clear. And even though Tessa tried to deflect, she knew too.

But there was nothing they could do. Not now. And especially not while Tessa was still trying to protect Mariah from her past.

So after Mariah left, she sat.

She sat. And she cried.

And eventually she got up, and went home. Home to her boyfriend, who had no idea. Home to a place that felt so far from home it was ridiculous.

Noah barely noticed the red rim around her eyes. Tessa didn't blame him. It was dark, he was worried, and so when she told him she was tired, he believed it. After all, he had no reason not to.

Noah was soft, slipping off Tessas coat and hanging it up by the door, before gently coaxing her into the bedroom. He was soft, languidly handing Tessa a change of clothes and her toothbrush. He was soft, but not the right kind of soft.

He wasn't hazy morning sunlight, like Mariah was. He wasn't gentle hands cupping her face. He wasn't early morning coffee, still barely warm.

Nevertheless, Tessa stumbled into bed, and let him snake an arm around her waist.

But Tessa didn't sleep. She never really had, since moving in with Noah. Most of the time, she stared at the ceiling. Sometimes she didn't even come to bed. Because everything about his place was a reminder that she wasn't at Mariahs. Every cup was so similar. Some had the Crimson Lights logo, and Tessa swore Mariah had the exact same ones. Every couch creak reminded her of late movie nights with the redhead. Every lunch time takeout order, every herbal tea she drank, every army green dress, all of it reminded her of Mariah.

Usually, she could drown it out. Focus on Noah's breathing, or the ticking of the clock. But tonight it was overwhelming. So she let a tear go. And another one. And another one.

Noah didn't notice. But he never really did.

So she waited for her breathing to even out, for the tears to stop coming. And it took 20 minutes, but eventually the crying slowed, and Tessa was just left with an ache in her chest.

 _I'm sorry_.

The thought was fleeting, coming just as Tessa felt herself start to fall asleep.

_I'm sorry you fell in love with me. I'm sorry you did that to yourself. I'm sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me on Twitter @ThisMeIsReal or Tumblr @i-said-oops


End file.
